Promises.

I never thought I would found myself typing this word on google search engine. I never even imagine myself thinking to search for the meaning of this so-popularly-used word by human. I never thought that this word binds us, human, so tight into ourselves, well, depends on our intentions: to keep it or to break it.

According to freedictionary, prom·ise  (prms) n. is a declaration assuring that one will or will not do something; a vow. While other meaning is to commit oneself by a promise to do or give; pledge (v. tr).

Further I found in wikipedia that:

In An-Nahl, God forbids Muslims to break their promises after they have confirmed them. All promises are regarded as having Allah as their witness and guarantor. In the Hadith, the Prophet states that a Muslim who made a promise and then saw a better thing to do, should do the better thing and then make an act of atonement for breaking the promise. It is forbidden to break an oath in Islam. However when someone does break an oath, they are required to beg for forgiveness and make up for the sin by feeding/clothing 10 poor people or freeing a slave(which is nearly impossible today), or, if unable to do these, to fast for three days. One of the four types of promises that are punished quickly is when you want to harm a relationship when the other person wants to keep it. (Wikipedia, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Promise)

As I always been reminded that when you face a problem, seek the answer through the Holy Book. I searched and read and found it in Sura An-Nahl (the Bee). When a muslim has confirmed his/her promise, he/she should not breaks it. As I always remember during the religion lesson that one of characteristic of a muslim is that to be true to their words and always keep the promise.

 

“And fulfill the covenant of Allah when you have taken it, [O believers], and do not break oaths after their confirmation while you have made Allah , over you, a witness. Indeed, Allah knows what you do.” (An-Nahl: 91, Sahih International)

To promise is easy depends on your intention but to keep your own words is tricky. The hardest thing is to keep the promise that you made with yourself.  It is easy to say that “I will quit smoking”, but to keep the words for yourselves? Not that easy.

However, to promise means you are indebted with. You gave hope to the one you promised to, they trust you. This might be a small stuff but how can you manage bigger things if you can’t even keep a simple thing like, a promise?

For others, breaking the spoken words might be nothing. However, I will let you know why I wrote this today as I feel ashamed that I broke my own promise to myself: to stay on track and to finish everything. I am not trying to prove anything to anyone but somehow I felt crushed from the inside.

The lesson I learned (for once again): Never made a decision when you are emotionally unstable for the result will only filled with regrets.

In the end, I know I should have listened to the heart and use the logic in balance. This post is a reminder for myself, and hope to bring merit for those who read it.

“Whatever you have will end, but what Allah has is lasting. And We will surely give those who were patient their reward according to the best of what they used to do.” (An-Nahl:96, Shahih International)

The Hedgehog Dilemma

“If human are created with spines on all over their body, will they still hug each other?”

A little hedgehog which I found during the spring, last year.

This question struck my brain when I woke up this morning. Human are social beings. This idea has been perched in my brain since I refused my class teacher’s suggestion of that I can be at science class and decided to study in social class.

For most people, social science might not as difficult as physics, or chemistry, or maths, or how to create complex script for a computer program, or other scientific subjects. Yes, we don’t have to describe or study atom, molecule, or calculate everything or other complexity in the universe. However, social science students study the most complex thing in the whole universe: human.

Yes, human and all of their complex behavior.

And lately, I’m not more interested in one thing than human intimacy. My thoughts were elaborating during a conversation with a friend yesterday about how we relate ourselves with other people. In any social relation between people, there’s no zero possibility that one of the party won’t get hurt. As Schopenhauer said,

“Almost all of our sorrows spring out of our relations with other people.”

– Arthur Schopenhauer (1788 – 1860)

One of Schopenhauer’s descriptions about human intimacy is the Hedgehog Dilemma. A nostalgic term to remember for me, as a good friend brought me to this term for the first time in a discussion about human relationship, many years ago.

Hedgehog dilemma or also known as Porcupine dilemma is an analogy about a challenges in human intimacy. The term describes of how a group of hedgehog seek to stay close to each other to share the warmth during the winter. Despite their biological need to stay close each other, the hedgehog must face the reality that they need to stay away since they can’t avoid to hurt each other because of the sharp spines in their body.

Staying close to share the heat but must be parted because they can’t avoid in hurting each other with spines.

To my thought, all of us (human) have invisible spines in all over our body. Words, how we react to several condition sometimes becomes spines towards other. In a social relationship, a reciprocal feeling of satisfaction, unfortunately, glued to other feeling of dissatisfaction or disappointment which is, just like its twin, also reciprocal.

Just like the hedgehogs who are all seeking for the warmth so that they won’t die freezing, we (human) need each other as we are social being. We need the presence of other. However, disappointments, dissatisfactions of a situation or condition give no option for some people to isolate themselves from the society.

The fear of getting hurt or to hurt other with the invisible spines left them no options but to stay away. But, still they can’t reject the need of being connected to others. This is how we are.

However, we can never control what others might do for us. The only thing we can do is that to control ourselves, to control how we react towards other spines that (might) are stabbing us.

To not hurt is impossible no matter how we try. Indeed, sometimes, the more we try not to hurt other, the more we hurt others. The same thing goes with to be not hurt. The more we avoid the society, the more we avoid the whole humanities, the more we got hurt from the sense of isolation (sooner or later).

See, I told you. Human are much more complex than the universe itself. So, what to do?

To my opinion, this is sound cliché but, just embrace the fear. Life won’t feel like living without problems and challenges. The world consists of two sides, bright and dark. The earth has the night and the day. They take in turn every day. Every life has their ups and downs.

As Freud said,

“Illusions commend themselves to us because they save us pain and allow us to enjoy pleasure instead. We must therefore accept it without complaint when they sometimes collide with a bit of reality against which they are dashed to pieces.”

– Sigmund Freud (1856 – 1939)

Good morning readers! Have a blissful Wednesday!